Housemate desired $70 a week in NOARLUNGA CENTRE, South Australia for sale

Well hot diddly darn, we need a new housemate! - Old Noarlunga
Seeking (preferably human) housemate who won't turn us into shoes while we sleep.
The approved applicant enters the house in the full knowledge that they are coming into the rule of Our Glorious and Benevolent Dictator, Spots the Cat.
The room previously held a queen size bed and a bookshelf, and comes with built in robe. Bathroom facilities are shared with two other housemates.
Lauren (20) is our resident Midwifery student and vegetarian. She enjoys long walks through the market on a weekend and laughing like a hyena in a manner that scares the elderly and small children.
Liam (20) is our resident Journalism student. He enjoys long romantic walks to the fridge, and assorted sports, most notably AFL.
Sharon (21) is our resident Arts student. She enjoys considering her future (un)employment prospects, and watching Breaking Bad.
Does this sound like the house for you? Located in historic Old Noarlunga, the house is situated walking distance to parks and other amenities producing a lovely community atmosphere, while Seaford Central Shopping Centre is only just down the road for most of your consumer driven needs. The expressway provides a straight shot to Flinders University (around 20 minutes), and the Seaford Rail Extension will soon be servicing the area for all your train related requirements.
Ideally we would prefer a university student without a cat, as Our Glorious and Benevolent Dictator is greedy. We have limited backyard space and consequently a large dog would be unsuitable, although the owners of small dogs are encouraged to apply. Any smoking of tobacco products is to be done outside (no resident currently partakes). This is a drug free premises.
Rent is $70 (paid weekly) and bond is $280. Two weeks rent in advance will be required. Bills are split, with the exception of water, which is paid by the landlord.